Yesterday we came to the park with my sister and her kids. The park was flooded pretty bad due to the rains the day before. Our playdate buddies weren't comfortable at the time with playing at this park while it was flooded. So we decided to try another park. Z wasn't happy about it. Where adults saw danger and risk, she saw opportunity to splash and hunt "water creatures". She had a meltdown when she realized we were leaving.
Looking back, maybe I should have found a happy compromise, but as it sat, I promised Z we could come back the next day with just us and make it a day.
Well that water is gone. So instead we had a mini picnic and she's playing with some kids while sissy naps on the blanket and I write a blog post. Still a good day, the sun is shining, there's a nice cool breeze, my sister might bring the kids up to play with us.
I apologized to Z and promised that next time, I would just take the opportunity for spontaneous fun.
This isn't the first or last time I've had to apologize to my child.
This situation got me thinking. I've always apologized sincerely to my kiddo without a second thought. Sometimes I have to swallow my pride to do so. And I've noticed... This doesn't seem to be a common occurance. It doesn't seem to be the norm.
I don't mean in situations like this particular one, but in every day situations. After conflicts. When we've been petty or unreasonable toward a child, or lost our temper and done or said something uncalled for. In fact most people don't even acknowledge when they have. Maybe they don't actually know? Maybe it's just been programmed into us that because we are adults, or the parents, it doesn't matter if we're right or wrong, we still have the last say? That seems to be the common thought process.
And I truly don't understand it. I suppose I could put logic to it, but my mama heart still would never "get it".
When our children make mistakes, we want them to apologize. Hell most parents force them to. Yet when we make a mistake - Yell. Say something mean. Snap when we shouldn't have. Dole out an unfair punishment. Whatever it may be... We usually don't make it a point to give our children a sincere apology.
And we should. Our children need to see that we are all human. That we all make mistakes. They need to see that they matter as much as anyone else. That we care about our relationship with them and their feelings. They need to see us make mistakes - and then correct them to the best of our ability.
What better way to teach this aspect of problem solving, than to model it in our every day life?
By apologizing and maybe even compromising - You are not handing over your power. You aren't showing weakness. You aren't losing a battle.
You are teaching your children by example how to be humble and caring. How could that be a bad thing?
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