When Grandma DOESN'T Know Best

I think we can all agree that some wisdom just comes with age.

... But does that mean the older generations simply know all? Do they always know best?

I am SO sick of hearing things like, "I can't wait until your kids are teenagers!" and "I want to see you guys in 10 years." ---Passive aggressively telling us that we're f*cking up and our kids will turn into criminals or entitled little sh*ts or what-the-f*ck-ever because we happen to do things differently.

How f*cking condescending and rude can you be? How narcissistic?

It doesn't matter how "nicely" you say & push things, it's still rude & ignorant AF to sit there on your high-horse straight up ignoring decades of research (& common sense if you ask me...) and act like you know better just because you've lived a few more years! To sit there and judge and patronize and scold someone because they don't do things the way you were taught to do them...

Doesn't matter if you are that parents mother, father, aunt, grandma, kindly old lady friend... I'll still ask you who the f*ck you think you are judging them when you don't know sh*t about WHY we choose to parent/live life the way we do!

I am ALL for loving advice, concerned questions, gentle loving guidance...

What I am not for is non-constructive criticism, condemnation, and control issues, ESPECIALLY if you don't take the time to learn and understand the choices someone makes.

I can tell you right now - Everything I do as a parent is DELIBERATE. I live with INTENTION. I don't make decisions based on "that's what everyone else does" or "that's just the way things have always been done." I take the time to research and THINK. I take what science & child development specialists have to say into consideration. I look into BOTH sides of anything THOROUGHLY to get the hard facts. I don't just read things & go with my emotions on the matter, I take the time to digest the information, to really process it and think it through, and THEN I make a decision.

It is NOT because I "don't know better". It's not because I'm just "young and ignorant." It's not because I'm "too soft" or "lost" and in need of guidance. I deliberately CHOOSE to do things this way, for good reason.

I may not always be "right", I am an imperfect human being, but I actually take the time to educate myself and think things through & self reflect before making ANY significant decisions regarding my children.

So basically, there is a REASON I make the decisions I do, and I don't need someone who doesn't even know what they're talking about trying to tell me that I'm doing it all wrong.

Like I said, I KNOW that some wisdom simply comes with age and experience. And I am quite aware that the generations before me (& even many in my own) were taught differently.

I can understand why my parenting choices & lifestyle may seem "crazy" and "outlandish" to "normal" people....

But it drives me straight up batty when older generations patronize us for doing things differently and expect us to just mindlessly do as they say.

No. Nope. No f*ckin way.

AND it is nowhere NEAR "disrespectful" to not take *unsolicited* advice and to do things the way we, as parents & adults, see fit.

In fact what IS disrespectful is to sit there & give unsolicited advice & try to flat out control what we do, especially when you won't even bother to try to understand. The fact of the matter is, if we are not legitimately neglecting or abusing our children, you don't have a RIGHT to step into that place. No matter who you are. It's a very narcissistic frame of mind and not at all a loving thing to do.

If you have a legitimate concern, by all means bring it to our attention. But don't you dare sit there and condemn us when you won't even take the time to try to understand why we do things the way we do.

We don't claim to know everything, and some things we will have to figure out as we go, but that in no way makes us "bad" parents.

Times & information change. 26 years ago, my own "mother" did things the way she did (abuse aside) because that is what she was told was best. 45 years ago, my grandmother did things the way she was told was best. And so on and so on. But every day we are learning more and more about child development, neuroscience, ect, ect... And to assume that because we are younger that we simply don't know sh*t is straight up asinine.

Good intentions or not, "Grandma" simply DOESN'T always know "best". That's just the reality of things.