Hitting The Hitting Phase

Help! My toddler has started hitting everyone and laughing! I don't know what to do to make it stop! 

So you've hit the hitting phase. Your toddler is hitting family members, the cat, other kids... and you don't understand why. Don't panic yet, it's totally normal! 

Toddlers learn by experimenting. They throw themselves around. They put everything in their mouth. They scream bloody murder to get what they want (whatever that may be). And they sometimes HIT.

An important step in dealing with this is realizing that your babe is not "violent". They are not going to grow up and beat women or mug people because they swing a few times (or a million) during toddlerhood. This is not a permanent problem, they are not mean natured, and they aren't doing it to be "naughty" or hurt anyone.

The next step is to realize - hitting to stop them from hitting is NOT the right move. You may have been told to "swat" their hands or their bum, or even to slap them back to teach them not to hit. This is not good advice. Violence begets violence. Hitting does nothing but hurt and frighten them, entirely shutting down the "thinking brain" and this young they don't understand any of it! Also hitting to get your way only teaches them to... hit to get their way. Which, I'm assuming, is not the lesson you are wanting to teach.

Now, what to do when your toddler hits! The first step is to stop it from happening. If your toddler is hitting, don't freak out, just block the swings (or hold their hands/arms if you have to).

The second step is to calmly say, "I can't let you hit _____. Hitting hurts. We use our gentle hands."

The last step is to then proceed to show them how to pet the cat or rub the person's arm gently while verbalizing what you are doing and why. "We are petting the kittie gently because it feels good to him."

That's it. Repeat as needed.

If your tot seems to have hit in anger, say another kiddo took his toy or you said no or whatever - a good move is to follow steps one and two, then move your child to a "calm down" space to destimulate. Babe may just need to nurse or snuggle. He may need a snack or a nap. Make sure to keep an eye on bub so that his needs are met in a timely manner. This minimizes situations where they may "lose it" and lash out.

Remember, they are not doing it to be "naughty" or upset or embarrass you. They are simply expressing a need or a big feeling they don't know how to handle. It's our job to be their calm when they cannot, and help them through it. Not to have an adult sized tantrum right beside them, as tempting as it may be sometimes!

Now breathe mama, and go forth knowing you've got this. It doesn't last forever I promise!