I was nursing my tot earlier, and I was noticing the differences between when AJ was a baby vs now as a toddler. I thought I'd share my findings with you all. Keep in mind, she's only 16 months old, so I'm sure there are many more changes to come (along with more blog posts about it!).
I won't lie... I HATED breastfeeding for the first few months. I was determined to, so much so that I refused to have any formula in the house so as to limit the temptation during rough patches. I had "failed" with my firstborn due to lack of knowledge, confidence, and support. So I was particularly adamant about sucessfully breastfeeding my secondborn. It was a rough start, to say the least, and I didn't actually start enjoying our breastfeeding relationship until she was nearly one.
I guess I should start with what I remember about nursing an infant. AJ was a very high needs baby. At first, I couldn't get her to latch, so while in the hospital the first day I hand expressed and fed it to her with a tiny spoon. Before long she was nursing! We had a little trouble, as we were both new to breastfeeding, but we got there fairly quickly. It's hard to remember many details from the first couple of months because I suffered from PPD, detachment, and Birth Trauma (you better bet that'll be a topic for a blog post or 10!).
I do remember leaking aaaall over the place. My breasts had turned into Niagara Falls! One moment I'd be standing there minding my own beeswax - The next warm liquid was pouring onto my toes! It was scary stuff I tell ya! I know next time to invest in those Milkie Savers (or whatever they're called). Then there's the engorgement - rock hard, wildly leaking boobs... Always fun (insert sarcasm).
2 months in she had started gnawing on my poor nipples like a wild animal! Come to find out, little miss was teething already! We struggled really hard with the biting and gnawing for a few months. I finally invested in a good teething necklace and an amber necklace. Between those two items and the methods I learned (will share in a future post), it did eventually die down a bit.
But then there was the pinching and clawing. This mama couldn't catch a break! I think I have a photo of the damage somewhere I might dig out for this. I finally figured out how to make that stop thankfully!
I remember being in a daze, always tired and always hungry. She was a stage 5 clinger to boot so she was on the tit ALL. THE. TIME. I often forgot to feed myself... I didn't brush my hair often... You get the picture. I basically felt like a cow for a while. A zombie cow! Glad we're outta that stage!
That's not to say we didn't have good times. There were plenty of sweet moments in the dark, just me and baby - the rest of the world fell away. The locking of eyes (rare bc she preferred I not stare lol!) as she told me about her day non verbally (she is such an expressive child!). Moments where we were both overstimulated and nursing relaxed us both. That amazing moment when I FINALLY had that "I love you so much I could die!" moment for the first time. Excuses to take random naps, early morning milkies and the good morning song (Super Simple Songs on YouTube), exploring every inch of her face with my fingertips as she fell asleep on the breast... But in between those amazing, breathtaking moments it was one hell of a crazy ride!
Those are just a few things I remember from my experience nursing an infant. As time went on, things got easier and more enjoyable. Around 6 months things started going more smoothly for us. By 10 months things were pretty easy. By one year, I couldn't imagine life any other way.
I remember on my little one's first birthday thinking to myself, "I can't imagine taking away her boobie!" Breastfeeding had become such an integral part of our every day life - It's just what we did! She was the same baby she was the day before, and she still needed me so much. I hadn't planned on weaning, by then I realized that going to Natural Term was best for us. (See here for a description of Natural Term Breastfeeding : http://themoderndaythinkingmom.blogspot.com/2016/07/what-is-natural-term-breastfeeding.html?m=1) It had been on my mind though, because that is the societal norm in America. I gladly nursed my toddler to sleep that night after a long day of eating cake, opening presents, and being overstimulated by all our guests.
I am now 4 months into breastfeeding a toddler, and boy is it different! Yeah, she's still the same sweet babe, but the dynamic has definitely changed. Run by snacks happen on the reg. She still nurses a lot, just not quite as much. Now she can lift (or tug at) my shirt to get to her boobers. We're in this fun stage where she doesn't yet know how to ask politely and doesn't understand personal boundaries. The good news is I'm not shy in the slightest! At least not when it comes to breastfeeding. Sometimes she gets so entertained by outside sources she forgets to nurse and it's particularly uncomfortable for me.
We interact so much more now that she's a toddling little wildling. She'll pop off the breast to make funny noises or faces at me to make me laugh. We sing goofy breastfeeding parodies I make up to entertain her. Sometimes she just wants to zone and nurse, other times she wants my full attention.
Sometimes it is a bit awkward, because outside stimuli will catch her attention and she will pop on and off. She went through a phase of screaming bloody murder while barreling into me and ripping at my shirt to "ask" for milk. To be honest that was hilarious to me. The "shoulds" in the back of mind told me I probably shouldn't allow that, but the other part, the part that's ME, said, "F*** you shoulds, we're having fun!"
Another difference is now, when I am busy, I can say, "Mommy is busy right now, I will give you boobie in a minute." I am still in the beginning stages of setting personal boundaries. That's not to say she doesn't scream her head off sometimes (she is a toddler after all!) but it's still nice to have a little space sometimes. I can have dad or big sis entertain her for a few minutes so I can finish making dinner or take a sh*t alone! I mean, how cool is that!?
I honestly find nursing a toddler to be so much easier and quite fun actually! We still run into trouble now and then, but overall it's a much more peaceful time for both of us.
Mothering at the Breast has been amazing. There's no other way to put it. Nothing soothes a hurt toddler or calms a wild tantrum like the boob. Every day it brings us closer, and I can't imagine it any other way.
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