Unschooling and Trust

One aspect of the unschooling philosophy is trust. In fact, it is one of the foundational pillars.

Unschooling your children requires that you learn to trust yourself, normal child developement, the natural learning process, and your child.

To sucessfully unschool, you have to trust in your childs ability to learn and grow at their own pace. You must learn to trust in your childs ability to become a successful, happy adult when given full support, a great foundation, and sturdy tools.

Trusting our children with their own "education" and life is hard. It seems to be the one hurdle that really gets in the way for ALL parents. Public schoolers, homeschoolers, and unschoolers alike.

We fear for our children because we love them. But it's so much more than that...

Most of us struggle with trusting our our children... because we were taught ourselves that we could not be trusted. Particularly if we were public schooled and/or brought up in a traditional, authoritarian household. What's worse is we were taught that we couldn't trust ourselves. Not our bodies. Not our minds. Not our instincts.

Sounds kinda crazy, I suppose. I can imagine how a statement like that sounds from the outside. But it is 100% the truth.

And to be honest, if we adults were suddenly handed freedom, true freedom, most of us wouldn't know what to do with it. We are a society of sheep. That is a sad, but basic truth. We are lost without someone to tell us what to do and how to do it. It really makes you wonder when you get to thinking about it, doesn't it? Why we are this way... But thats a discussion for another day.

I'm going to get personal here. When I first had a baby, I wanted to homeschool. I've always wanted to homeschool my children. But I believed, truly believed, that I wasn't smart enough. When my baby was born, I shoved information down her throat from the time she was born. I played, sang, used flash cards ect. For a year before preschool we sat and did lessons. Mind you, she enjoyed it, as I didn't make it a chore. It was fun. When the time came, I not only put her in preschool, but I fought the school system so as to get her in right when she was turning 3 (her birthday was after the cut off date) rather than waiting another year.

And during that year she was in the public school system... I already started seeing things in my child and the system that I didn't ever want for my child. In preschool, already!

So I started revisiting the idea that I was too stupid to homeschool. Honestly, I had no idea where I got that idea from. I've always been a bright, intelligent, deep thinking individual. I only had trouble in the system because the system crushed my love of learning and made me feel ashamed of being smart. When I "stepped out of line" by asking questions, challenging ideas, and correcting the teachers mistakes it didnt go well for me. When I tried to color within the lines and just happened to be exceptional, I was made an example of. I could go on for days, but we'll get back to the point. Why, if they taught me so well, did I feel incapable? Why did I suddenly believe I wasn't smart enough? Why didnt I trust myself with the education and well-being of my own child? Who taught me that? 

Oh yeah, the system. 0_0

I probably still sound crazy, but that's OK. Radical ideas tend to sound... well, radical. 😂

When I realized this, I questioned the system that taught me this. I questioned my decision to put my child into a system that left me feeling incapable of teaching her. I didn't want that for her.

Homeschooling still seemed.. daunting, but one day I came across an article about unschooling and it all just made sense. So I decided to give it a try. I thought to myself, "We'll give it one year and see how it goes." And it went.

One thing I struggled with in the beginning really hard was, you guessed it, trusting. I forced myself to metephoracally sit on my hands. She struggled at first too. The message that she could not be trusted to self direct and manage her own time had already been sent. She would ask me, "Are we doing lessons today? What are we doing?" And I would answer with a question, "I don't know, what do you want to do?" After a few weeks, she learned to trust me when I said she could do whatever she wanted to do. I anxiously watched her from a distance, observing and desperately searching for the learning she was doing in her every day activities. But I held on, and one day, she showed me.

Over the last 3 years I have learned to let go. To challenge my preconceived notions and preprogrammed responses and ways of thinking. I have learned to trust my bright, beautiful, amazing little girl.

The last time I truly worried, was last winter. Last spring we had our second baby, and due to birth trauma I fell into a deep depression. That winter I wasn't very interactive (not as much as usual) and we didn't leave the house much. Not even to play outside. She went out, but it wasn't interactive play. She spent a lot of time on YouTube, and I started to worry about it. She took to a couple of Vlogs (video blogs apparently) chronicaling these families lives. After a while I started thinking about it, and I learned a few things.

Interesting fact : When we see things being done, say on TV or in a video game - Our brain translates it as if we did it. This is one reason these things are so appealing to us.

So while she was watching these people's adventures, she was getting the brain stimulation she craved, and experiencing these things right along with them. She was also people watching, which is actually an important skill to hone. Being able to understand people and read their facial expressions and body language is key to social and physical survival.

She was also learning to recognize letters, read, type, and spell as well. She was constantly asking us, "How do you spell _____?" Who knew letting her play on the WiiU Gamepad and letting her watch YouTube to her hearts content could do that?

That is the day I learned to truly let go and trust. My job is to give her a good solid foundation and let her do the rest. And she hasn't dissapointed me yet! We just live our every day life and learn together as we go, no force required!