Taxes came in yesterday (YAY #Taxmus!) so today I decided to make a girls day out of the necessary clothing shopping we do every tax season.
Today was about more than the clothes. It was about quality time, bonding, and connection.
We got to the part where we were picking out shoes, and Zuri (6) decided she had her heart set on this one particular pair of sneakers. The problem was... I thought they were hideous (& would be moreso after kid use).
At first I tried to persuade her to check out a couple other pairs. Then I started trying to actually argue with her about them. My sister, who was out shopping with us said, "They're cute as sh*t, let her get them!" And then it hit me...
Why the hell was I about to legitimately argue with my 6 year old daughter over which sneakers she bought?? As long as they're functional, safe, & not over the top priced... what was it my business which ones she chose?
It was a mere personal preference for style/look on my part. There was 0 validity to my complaint.
So I swallowed my silly pride & let her buy those damn sparkly hightops. It was, after all, a decision I had handed her control over.
I've learned over the years to back off and let her just be. It's still hard sometimes, but it's worth it. Sure.. she may decide a swim suit is considered proper clothing, or wear mismatched outfits, or choose to cut her hair rather than brush it... but the way I see it is this :
It's her body, her life, her choice.
As her mother it is not my job to control her. (Contrary to popular belief.) My job is to keep her safe, give her the best tools I can to navigate life on her own, and respect her as a human being. In short, my job is to love her.
Controlling which shoes she buys or which clothing she wears is not my job or my right.
When it boils down to it, we parents spend too much time trying to control everything. Whether it be out of habit from things we were taught growing up, or because we have some issues that need resolving - most of us do it.
Too often things like, "You shouldn't do that", "We don't do things like that", "You should wear ____", "Because I said so!", ect, come out of our mouths. Often without thought.
Excluding safety (to me safety is non-negotiable), why do we do this? Is it necessary for raising a healthy, happy person?
How would we feel if our friends felt the need to constantly comment on our appearance or choices? If our partner legitimately told us, "You can't wear that ____." Wouldn't that suck? Would that make us feel respected & connected to our loved ones? If we felt disrespected and/or disconnected from those people, would we feel cooperative, kind, and loving? Would we value their opinion? Or slowly become bitter & start disregarding everything they say? Would we even become spiteful & make decisions we previously may not have? Would we... rebel against the control?
I know how I personally would feel/react.
I don't know about you, but my end goal with my kiddos only requires one form of control - Self Control.
The rest requires only unconditional love. ✌
No comments:
Post a Comment