The last few weeks Alia Jo has been making so many mental leaps! She will be turning 2 next month & boy, you can tell!
She's been talking more & actively playing & showing interest in new things. She's been singing a lot & hopping on 2 feet & mimicking her family members.
But the last few days the "dark side" of it all has come spilling out. I guess I had conveniently forgotten about this part. 😂
She's now throwing even worse tantrums & screaming "No, no, NO!" at anyone and everyone. She's hitting when she's mad & being insanely stubborn. And the joy is, there is more to come.
The last few days I have caught myself being very reactive to these new & intense behaviours. Sadly, when her sister went through this shift I did not handle things in a way that I can respect. I didn't start my peaceful parenting journey until she was about 3yrs old. I know better now, but I can see and feel old habits trying to worm their way out. I'm gonna get super real here and admit that I have shouted at her a couple of times AND been tempted to hit (spank) her. (We don't believe in hitting, punishment, or authoritarian parenting at all..)
But I'm not gonna let myself fall into this trap. I refuse to create the same ugly cycle I am still trying to dig my way out of with my now 6yr old.
It's time for a mindshift.
My sister & I have recently discussed "fake growth" vs "real growth". It was an idea she came across from some guy on YouTube I think. It got me to thinking about my own growth/progress.
There are things I force myself to do (or not do) that can be mistaken for real progress. While this is still a good thing, it still isn't true progress. True progress is when your mind has adapted & you generally don't have to force it. Real progress for me in this area is shown in things like how I handle my mistakes, how quickly I switch from mentally justifying to owning up, ect.
The point to mentioning this is that while I have come a long, LONG way from the parent I was when Z was little to the parent & person I am today... I still have work to do.
I logically know how I am supposed to be doing things. I KNOW that yelling or hitting isn't going to help anyone in the end. I know that everything this little booger is doing is developmental normal & that what she needs isn't an attitude adjustment, but a calm, full bucketed, patient, consistent role model & guide.
But my brain hasn't fully adapted to this new way of thinking & living. My logical self knows, but my emotional self is still working on it.
Being able to see this for what it is & understand that the solution lies within changing my own self is progress in itself. The shift from, "What can I do to stop this unwanted behaviour?" To "It seems like it may be time to work on myself again." is a huge step. HUGE. Don't get me wrong, it's not suddenly easy! I don't like admitting the fault lies with me or that I need to change my negative thinking any more than the next person. It's not often fun in the moment. But I do like the results of the hard work I put into it all.
I'm not 100% sure how I am going to get myself in the mode I need to be in, but I have a few ideas. I think I am going to start by refreshing my memory on what kind of behaviors are developementaly normally for this age. Then I plan to remind myself of my own beliefs & end goals. Then I think the next course of action for me will be to list out the current & impending struggles, find a healthy way to work through them, and force myself to stick to the solutions I come up with. And during all of this I am going to take some time to self reflect & take care of myself. Find the root of my current reactions & work through those emotions. See where I may be able to fill my bucket more efficiently so that I can be fully present & have an ample supply of what I need to give out during this time. And take the time to connect with everyone in the household.
I can't pretend I am not anxious about this new stage given my past experiences with it, and given the fact that a newborn will be thrown into the mix here in a few months... But I've been here before. I've conquered so many of the challenges & obstacles that have come my way over the last few years. I am strong and capable and I can totally do this. Maybe not without serious support & a mental breakdown (or a few), but we will make it out to the other side & I am damn determined that we won't be worse for wear.
So without further ado, it's time for a mindshift. Wish me luck! 🍀
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