I've already heard things like, "Oh she's a big girl now!" and "Time to start ____ (potty training, ect)!" and "She's almost 2 she is capable of ____ now." (Point, you need to push her.)
I remember with my firstborn subscribing to these ideas. I used to be the person who said things like, "That kid shouldn't have a paci anymore!" *eyeroll at parents* and "2 year olds know exactly what they are doing!" (Manipulating, being naughty, ect)
I remember pushing things with my firstborn due to these beliefs... I rushed her to every milestone & fought her when she didn't learn things when I thought she should. I remember specifically battling her on potty training and looking back... ouch.
But somewhere along the way I woke up & realized what I was doing. I could look back and see where pushing so hard for independence & milestones in general was not only harmful, but added so much unnecessary stress into our relationship. It was entirely pointless.
Now that my second little girl is going to be 2 in a few days... I don't do that sh*t anymore.
Through my experiences with my firstborn & years of studying child development and related subjects... I fully understand the phrase, "Let them be little."
It doesn't mean, "Purposefully hold your kids back to fulfill your need to smother them & keep them dependent on you forever." as many people seem to believe. It just means we should trust normal child development & biological imperatives (or am I adding that on due to my beliefs? Lol.) and stop rushing our children's childhoods to meet some *imaginary* deadline.
I am NOT going to rush my toddler into "big girl stuff" because of some made up rule about what she "should" and "shouldn't" be doing. Not even with a newborn on the way here soon.
She is who she is & she will develop & grow at her own pace. Period.
I will not add unnecessary stress into our daily lives and stress out or even traumatize my little girl because someone else doesn't like the pace at which she changes from baby to kid.
This doesn't mean I won't teach her & have boundaries & such. Of course we do. But not only do we tailor it to our specific family dynamic, but also to her specific personality/temperament & developmental abilities. Or rather the ones we (as her parents) feel she is actually READY for.
See there's also this mindset alongside the previously mentioned one that seems to require pushing kids to what they are "capable" of (key word : capable, not ready). But you know what? Why should I stress out/traumatize my child into doing things before she is truly ready? Who makes up these rules? Who is in charge of deciding what each and every "normal" 2yr old should and shouldn't be doing?
I'm going to tell you who - NOT YOU.
Each child develops at his or her own pace, on their own timeline. And it's none of YOUR business how that all plays out.
This entire concept doesn't just go for 2 year olds. This goes for children of all ages.
The ONLY reason anyone should be paying a child's development any mind is to make sure they are OK and healthy. There are some things that are a sign that something may be wrong or different about a child. But for a normal, healthy child in a loving home... What the hell are we so worried about it for??
I'll tell you why. It's because we are obsessed with CONTROL & we don't like to be inconvenienced or have our control based beliefs challenged. We as a society are overly obsessed with schedules and timelines and forcing our kids into these easy little boxes so as not to inconvenience ourselves. Too often we have this super black and white thinking when it comes to child development & child rearing and quite frankly it's ridiculous & completely unrealistic.
In other cultures where kids are allowed to develop more at their own pace & aren't burdened by their parents unrealistic expectations we see higher levels of success & happiness in life. There are generally a few other factors but overall this seems to be a driving force in meeting that end goal. And if I'm correct, that's pretty much all of our goals as parents no matter where we come from.
When children are allowed to develop & become independent at their own natural pace, when they do hit those milestones, they are truly ready and transition more smoothly. In fact, tampering with that natural development only causes problems in the long run. Even if it seems "effective" (to what purpose??) in the moment, in the long run it can and does cause a lot of damage to the child/adult that child will become. In the end this pushy behaviour of ours as parents & people in general toward children actually works AGAINST what we are trying to accomplish.
This has been proven time and time again, so why are we not listening? Why do we fight so hard against our own instincts, our children's instincts, and what we know to be truly effective in raising happy, healthy, successful human beings?
All I know is that I refuse to subscribe to this skewed, backwards, unrealistic way of thinking anymore. I refuse to hinder my children by following some made-up-by-whoever rules. I simply refuse. I know what my end goal is, and I know what won't get us there. ✌
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