Parenthood is a tough job, I don't think anyone would ever deny that. Its not even just the physical stuff, but being 100% responsible for the wellbeing of a child (or multiple children) is straight up terrifying & exhausting. But I'm here to tell you that it doesn't have to be as hard as you might think. Below I have complied a list of 10 real, raw, & to the point tips to survive this crazy ride.
1) Stop viewing children as a problem to be solved.
When you stop focusing on behaviour and simply focus on the relationship you have with each child, life becomes infinitely easier & problems generally resolve themselves. See the person behind the behaviour and respond with love.
2) Slow down.
There really is no valid reason to run yourself ragged trying to be the perfect "soccer mom" or what-have-you (unless that's your cup o' tea). Slowing down helps you give the kids (and yourself) a little grace, and helps you notice the small things you would otherwise miss in the rush.
3) Routine not schedule.
We are always hearing "kids need routine" BUT I think many of us are mistaking routine for strict scheduling. You really don't have to plan out every minute of your day (and if you do, you're in for disappointment, because kids don't follow a schedule 😂). A routine can be as strict or as relaxed as you want it to be. It's just a general outline of how things work in your household and lives.
4) Fill their bucket!
Kids have this thing called an emotional bucket. Ok not actually, but this concept is a real thing. When a person's bucket is empty, they have nothing to give, and even adults will start "acting out". Get to know each kid & what "fills their bucket" (makes them feel loved and satisfied) and put in a little extra effort to do so each day. It may seem like a lot if you aren't used to doing this, but I promise you won't regret it. Keeping your children's bucket's filled keeps your relationship connected which leads to less unwanted behaviours happening in the first place!
5) "Do as I say not as I do" is no longer a thing. Throw it out.
The best thing you can do for your children and yourself (and society!) is to realize that what you do matters far more than what you say. If you tell your child one thing, but do another, what you said is now irrelevant. And expecting kids to not copy you is simply asinine & punishing them for it - cruel. If you want your kids to be respectful? Show them. If you want them to be compassionate? Show them. Cooperative? Show them. The list goes on. Showing kids a little respect, grace, & gentleness goes a looooong way.
6) If you have one - Lean on the village!
One of the best things I've done for myself as a mother is to create my own support system. Some people are born with them, but more often than not we have to build them ourselves. It really is ok (and even beneficial!) to let other people help you raise these tiny little humans. It's ok to take a break, or to let them go on mini trips, or to have them spend a summer at grandma's. I don't know when we decided we should be figuring it all out on our own... But I can say the results seem to have been negative thus far. Find or make your own village, and then USE IT.
7) Don't take sh*t so personally.
More often than not, people's behaviour toward us is not a reflection of us, but of what is going on inside of them. Kid's can be a little tricky with this, but if you just stop taking everything personally & letting it upset you, it will be easier to handle. Your kid could very well just be hungry, when she is being sassy, tired when she's whiney, stressed out or upset, hot, cold, sick... Unless you make a habit of being sh*tty to your kids, their behaviour likely has nothing to do with you other than them subconsciously trying to ask for help.
8) Follow biological norms.
If your 4 year old gives you trouble at bedtime, stop to consider that maybe sleeping alone might be the problem. If your 3 year still pees the bed, your 7 year makes you read everything for them, your 2 year is aggressive... Maybe its more normal than you think. As a parent its simply smart to research into biological norms, and adjust your expectations (and your own behaviours!) Kids will be kids and expecting them to act in a way that goes against their very nature is only going to cause stress on both ends. So if you want less stress & battles... Lower your expectations to an honestly reasonable level (not what society or your wish to not deal says...)
▪9) Prioritize self care.
Pick up that hobby. Go on date night. Have that glass of wine. Stay up too late to get in your "me time". Say no to hosting the bake sale... Don't allow yourself to forget you while worrying about everyone else. Forgetting to take care of yourself will only lead to you being burnt out & feeling bitter. As parents, yes sacrifice is a big part of the job, but you don't have to sacrifice everything all the time. So be "selfish" sometimes, and stop feeling so damn guilty about it!
10) Laugh!
Always laugh. Its OK to find "inappropriate" things funny. It's ok to snicker at your kid's antics sometimes. Its ok to be silly & playful & be a jokester. Its ok to pull harmless pranks. Its ok to laugh like an idiot at the stupidest things just because it feels good. Do it. You'll thank yourself.
I guess I do have one more piece of advice... STOP worrying so much about what people think. Stop trying to "fit in" and compete. Stop looking over your shoulder worrying that other moms are judging you for your toddler screaming in Walmart. This doesn't mean "shut out new information bc it makes you uncomfortable" it just means stop letting what others probably don't even really think dictate how you live your life. Don't let self doubt or fear of being ostracized stop you from doing what you think is right and what works for you. Be well informed, love your kids, and just do your best.
Good luck fellow mamas, see you on the other side! ✌
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